My solitude

by mandieD   Feb 23, 2006


Dark shadows pass me by, unoticed here in my solitude.
i wish i could reach past all these barriers and just touch the truth.
lies wrap around me, sapping my strength, making me fade,
missing a certain component maybe, when i was made.

the heat of a thousand flames can bring me no joy, no light to faze the black,
i sit here and wallow, shivering, sustaining my lack.
this world is not for me to walk, shadows are my home,
in darkness i travel, in sadness i roam.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by master of shadow

    Great peice, your contnet is well expressed and flows wel throughout making for a great peice with som fantastic descriptions

  • 18 years ago

    by lost_laureate

    The best thing about this for me is the careful choice of language used....lacks structure though..

    [lostlaureate- come find me]

  • 18 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    I think you had some good descriptions in this and you certainly depicted the "solitude" of the title in the poem. You wording is good, however, I'm not too keen on the format or your punctuation and grammar use.
    Some suggestions: Shorten the lines or sort it into a more poetical format, sounds picky I know but poetical formats can help to make a poem stronger. Also think about capitalising every "I" and using capital letters at the beginning of sentences/stanzas.
    In the second stanza the rhyme on the third line seems slightly forced. This is because it doesn't sound like a complete sentence "...sustaining my lack" makes me ask lack of what?
    Anyway good job, some simple touch ups could make this poem fantastic. Keep writing.

  • 18 years ago

    by master of shadow

    Wow that is very very good. very short but says a lot.

    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by BloodScars

    I like these forms of peoms alot
    you didnt a nice job with the words
    5/5
    ~Bloodscars~