I didn't want you

I didn't even want you
When I thought that you were there
You would mess up everything
And I didn't want to care.

I didn't want to know you
To know if you did exist
But slowly I realised
You had always been my wish

I vowed to take care of you
I promised to try my best
It wasn't how I planned it
But inside me, you were a guest.

I got attached before I knew
And though I seemed not to care
I thought that I was pregnant
And it hurts that you're not there.

Now I feel empty
But I know it's for the best.