Snap

Look into my eyes
See the light I think has faded.
Tell me you can see that I'm not dead.

I feel like I have lost something,
A pureness, a drive that I possessed.
Once so eager to help the world...
Now I keep all that for myself.

So greedy with my feelings,
It's hard to ask for help.
The selfless thing, the sensible
Would be to show my fear,
Hold tight and beg for help
Beg for someone to save me.

But I hold it close.

Jealously I guard my pain,
Anxious to remind myself I feel.
My jaw locks
My feet fidget
My eyes grow steely and dead.
I'm locked inside my head.

Everything I used to love.
Dead to me.
Crawling through the motions,
Desperate to rip apart my flesh
Exposing myself, lay myself bare
But I can't.

Exposed I am vulnerable
And I've been vulnerable before.
My light was taken,
Extinguished with tears and spit and worse.
I lapped up poison, salty and thick
And it's made me heart sick.

A year and a half on,
When I thought I'd moved on
I find myself bitter
Broken
Stretched so far I'm brittle.
One wrong move and I will snap.