The Story of My Life....

Dont cry for me
Please I know its sounds stupid
All you wanted for me was to be happy
I wasnt, all I ever wanted was to leave

When I was six I used to hold a pillow to my head
Held it there until I came up gasping for air
It is a scary thought to have a at only six years of age
It never really left my mind from that day

When things turned bad id cry and cry
Then one day the pain wouldnt be released
I had to change my ways
So I turned to my wrist

I read about it in a magazine
Yes mum now you were right those mags didnt teach me good things
And ever since then
Its the only way I could cope

I remember the first time it hurt like crazy
I couldnt stop crying looking at the blood coming to the surface
I was only eleven at the time
But however young it felt right

So when things turned bad I no longer cried
I pick up the scissors and drew a line
I cut out a piece of my pain every time
And its worked every since I cant tell you why

People found out in year seven
One of my friends told me to go to Mrs Ryan
I told her one-day
Just said it when I could
I cut myself to make me feel good

She made me see her every week
She didnt take me seriously
I wouldnt hurt myself bad
I was 12 way too weak

So I proved her wrong
The last day of 1st term in year eight
I took a few dozen pills
And all day I ached

So I went to her
At the very end of the day
I said to her as I cried
I tried to take the pain away

So two days a week
Till I was declared safe
I had to spill all my secrets
The entire list of mistakes id made

Then I stopped going
When the teacher handed me the slip
I didnt want to talk anymore
It hadnt helped one bit

So I bottled it up inside
Once again
Little did I know?
It was causing more pain

Then I relapsed
And cut a little bit more
My blood ran for longer
The cut was deeper then before

Yet it didnt hurt like it once did
The pain wasnt there
All it did was help me
The razor was the only thing that cared

Then crap my friends told the new counsellor
Bout everything they could
I got sent to his office
So he could ask wether things were going good?

Inside my head I screamed
Of course f**king not
I want to die young
Inside a coffin Ill rot

Im sick of this life
The pain is too real
The cuts on my arms
The only thing I like to feel

But why hurt yourself
When you already hurt inside
Its so I dont have to talk to people
Its a thing that I hide

You wouldnt understand
As if youâ??d want to anyway
Youll just be glad the day
That I take my life away

So to everyone who I may hurt
Im sorry but you always hurt me
For not showing you cared
Not setting my worried free

This isnt anyones fault
The reason I must leave
No one is at blame
Except for me.....

Thank You so Much For reading ....XoX its really long and doesnt make much sense but its my life and it means alot to me if you comment or vote....thank you i know it sounds cliche but it really does mean alot...XoX