Endless Dedication (Giving Up)

I can’t believe my doctor
He’s ever the optimistic
“I know you’re sick but you’re not dead”
‘…As long as you smile in that lipstick.’
He doesn’t fell my anger
He can only examine my pain
Betrayal will only surface with us
If I choose to become sane
So I ask him what’s wrong with me
Well, I guess it’s nothing to worry about
He says I’m fine, the pain is normal
He says I don’t have to shout
So I gave up with him
And that’s when I started to drown
In tears, in blood it’s all the same
It’s not important if I don’t frown
Self inflicted pity was a virtue
I was born to lie
To become the monster that I hate
Dying to live yet living to die
That was me before
A puppet on a stage
I think I’m different now
But it’s so hard to start over at my age
So I walked the longest mile
Because I needed to think, to see
I pushed you all away
Because I needed time to change me
I’ll tell you all the truth now
Because I don’t know how long this will last
But I want to prevent anyone from seeing this road
This nightmare that is my past
Be thankful for what you have
Because the end is never far
Words have no meaning unless you mean them
Don’t let yourself ruin who you really are
Remember and always cherish that you can
Be thankful for the knowledge that made you aware
Thank the heavens for giving you faith
Thank you family for being there
Love the person who loves you back
Love the one who hates
Even the lost souls who hide so well
Behind smiles and loveless dates
I’m not a saint or a hypocrite
I’m a lost cause but I learn
I know there’s so many of us here
Who know what it means to burn
Our pain is individual, no matter what anyone says
But it also makes us human, evil in so many ways
We’re the badasses of the world
The top of an upside down food chain
Armageddon, Devil destruction is all from us
From birth we learn, in death we train
So no, I didn’t really change
Most likely you’ll never really see
Until you realize when you fail
How giving up gave up on me…