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by Darien Apr 23, 2006
Sadness, depression /
I'm doing ok, but no one cares,
I've been single for many years.
There is this one girl I really like,
I think she has a thing for Mike.
Diary, I'm just looking for a chance,
to get the guts to ask Sally to a dance.
Don't worry about me, Ill be alright,
well I'm off to bed, until next time I write.
I have some news you might like,
Sally doesn't have feelings for Mike.
Tomorrow I'll tell her how I feel,
so I'll write later and tell you the deal.
Sally and I are finally dating,
this was worth all the waiting.
Took her to the movies today,
found all the right words to say.
We're going out on Friday night,
was thinking dinner by candle light.
But still, I don't really know,
anyways, it's time for me to go.
I think, Sally and I are doing well,
but sometimes it's too hard to tell.
It's been a month and a week,
but some nights we never speak.
Still, I'm a bit worried about us,
but maybe I'm just making a fuss.
Oh, well she is calling me now,
so I'll write again later, ciao.
Bad news, Sally and I broke up today,
it seems things didn't go our way.
I'm really sad, so it's hard to write,
I'll write when I feel better, goodnight.
Sally and Mike are now going out,
I don't know what that's all about.
Now I don't want to ever see her,
I'll make all our memories a blur.
I've never written anything like this,
but the thought of her gets me pissed.
Never been this upset before,
Sorry, I can't write anymore.
I promised I wasn't going to write,
but something happened last night.
Sally called and said she loves me,
and that she wanted us to be.
How can she tear out my heart,
and say we should never be apart?
I don't know what to do diary,
I guess we'll have to wait and see.
I don't have much time,
my life is on the line.
Today I was slapped,
I must have snapped.
I came home with tears,
as I ran up the stairs.
To my room and on my bed,
my wrists were a bloody red.
I saw broken glass on the floor,
bleeding before I made the door.
This is the last I will write bud,
I'm signing out for good. In blood.
Loved the flow of it..... The end result was really sad and I hope it turns out better...
by Lauren Waszkiewicz
Great Job. it was so sad, in the beginning i was thinking.. this is gonna be another dorky pimply teen love breakup poem. but u made it so much more.
a few things to wathc out for though-
forced rhymes. diary-wait and see?
sometimes its better to change the words.. not firce a rhyme.. it can throw everything off. and make it sound .. well. bad.
also. watch the syllable count! some lines (especially the last one in each stanza) were way to short.
try rereading over this and reading it exactly how its written. you'll see what i mean.
Name stealerer!!!! hehe
There, thats my excuse for stealing yours (even though i didn't ;)
But once again, being serious, excellent poem.
The diary format is brilliant and you did it justice =)
Love your work!
5/5 as always
DAMMMN this poem was soo damn good!! true talent. 5/5. check out my poems if ud like. n dont stop writting ur real good.