Unforgotten Words

I’ve written so much about this situation, now I’m lost for words
I wish for our bond to get better, but it goes no where but downwards
Our phone conversations have come down to just “hi’s”
Brother if only you were here when we talk to look into my eyes

I wish you could see how my green eyes turn to blue
My tears make them look like the ocean every time I talk to you
I wish for a relationship with you like the brother who lives here
But that will never happen with you, I’ll continue with these tears

You in another state from us is my only question to God
“If this is the way you want it lord, then I guess just nod”
When I pray for you at night, I’m not sure what to say
I don’t talk to you enough to know if you are or aren’t ok

Now it’s to the point, I sometimes go to the bathroom when you call
So I don’t have to make a conversation and all
It hurts me that you don’t call to see how I am
You don’t ask too much except how’s school and do you have a man?

The same conversations occur between you and me
I have to dig and dig to make you say something interesting
I am happy that you end it with “I love you”
And big brother I seriously love you too

I just wish you could live closer, so I can see you more then once a year
Unfortunately this spring I can’t see you, yet I shed another tear
When we are together we do laugh, can’t we do that on the phone?
“I don’t feel like talking” is how you come across in your tone

You’re so wrapped up with sports, college and your girl
I suppose having a little sister is just another person in the world
I’m no one special to you, but please prove me wrong
Come home to me once, do you hurt since we haven’t met in so long?

Can’t you take a break from your life, come back to your hometown
Do you know how many people would be happy to see you around?
I’m not the only one that cries, you should listen to Grandmas voice
She always cries when she talks about you not like she has a choice

You don’t know how long she will live, call her to say hello
I’d rather you call her then me in case one night she may go
I bet you’ll fly home for her funeral, which really bothers me
Can’t you do that on a normal basis; find the time that you are free!

Brother there are so many things I want to say, but they never come out
They’d sound so negative and bitter, full of disappointment and doubt
If what I wanted to say came out, I’d knock you back to last week
So they are not unforgotten words, just words I refuse to speak

I miss my Ryan :( loving you forever big brother!
May 5, 2006