I'm Sorry

My deepest argument,
As a child pretending to be a woman
Was-
Apologies mean nothing-
Only because
Sincerity has never followed those words-
As they crept from the corners of my mouth
But today
I'll make an apology
Those two words show regret,
Those two words show guilt-
Those two words are what I owe you-
I cursed you as a mother-
I blamed my insecurities-
I blamed my failures-
Upon you-
The old folks say
You never understand your parents until-
You become one-
Because that's when you realize there aren't rules and guidelines-
Or pantalets or mini glimpses of the future
But I am not a parent
Just the daughter of a woman
Who deserves more
Who deserves better
Who deserves an apology

I'm sorry for the countless times-
I've came home drunk-
I've came home high-
I shut you out-
I cursed at you-
I stayed out late-
Or the times I didn't come home-
But most of all I'm sorry-
For the lies I spoke-
By telling you I hate you-

I love you
To the point of no return-
If I wanted to hate you I couldn't

*when you realize, your mother isn't a bad mother but you are a bad child- you loose words- so this is the best I could do.