My Suicide Note Part One
by 111308 Jul 20, 2006
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Ok I Know This Poem Is Long...It Has 6 Parts To It...But It's Good...Well At Least I Think...So If You Actually Take Time To Read It...Comment It And Rate It Thanks So Much! |
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Latest Comments
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17 years ago
Steph --
Hey. After reading this, I`m not so sure I want to read the next 5 sequals. I was really impressed by the rhyming the first couple of lines - the flow was kind of iffy, but the rhyming was pretty good. Then somewhere after about 6 lines, nothing rhymed at all, and the flow just kept getting worse. It really made it hard for the reader, you should put this into stanzas. Some of your lines ran too long, and some ran too short. Some just made no sense. I would highly consider revising this, reformatting it, and maybe not having 5 sequals. It makes the whole "suicide" part kind of dramatic, don`t you think?
3/5
Samantha Hollywood -
17 years ago
by Darien
"The days gone by,
But my sorrow still lies inside…"
[The days go by,
but my sorrow still lie inside]
"I either want to grab the knife and cut myself in the veins…"
[.. the knife and cut my veins...]
"Or I either try to make all the pain all go down the drain…"
[Or try to make all the pain go down the drain]
"And all of the pain it just leaks all into my veins?"
[... it just leaks into my veins?]
"The only time there good to me is when they want something…"
["they're"]
"There life would be better without me… "
["Their"]
The poem was alright. You should follow the suggestions I made, it will be a lot more nicer to read. There were good rhymes, and it seemed to flow pretty good. Overall a good poem, just clean it up a bit :) -
17 years ago
by hayley
Good poem. and i read all the other parts, so i meen the WHOLE poem, lol!
anyways.....it worries me in a way. u really wanna die?
