Afraid To Exist

You wanted me to be,
what i could never be.
You wanted me to believe,
what i could never see.

You wanted me to keep quiet,
whenever i felt hurt.
You left me diseased...
When my cure was your words..

You left me shattered,
broken in places.
I tried to find you,
but in all the wrong faces.

So now,
Should I look at the light,
and begin from the start.
or should i turn to my shadow,
and just fall apart.

Stepping sideways,
between worlds i shift.
A blade in my hand,
and my hand on my wrist.
I am afraid...
afraid to exist.

I bleed and I bleed.
till im dry to my soul.
I know what i need,
and it as imparted a hole.
I carry my plague,
in my own form.
Tattered and torn,
that's how i was born.

I cut myself
to the extent of belief.
i look in the mirror,
i see my deeds.
As a saint i have failed.
As a sinner i believe.
Cripple me,
Swallow me,
I Will Not Heed.

I've been pushed all my life.
away from my home,
dragged and dopped,
left all alone.

My questions about you,
are the answers to my sins
now ALL my endings,
are waiting to begin.......