Burning Poisonous Oak

by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden   Aug 15, 2006


You're breaking rules like you're snapping sticks.
You're breaking limbs off just for kicks.
Why won't you just listen to me?
You're burning a fire of poisonous oak.
All of your chaos is causing smoke.
You're hurting others and you're hurting me.
Why won't you just listen to me?
It's getting harder and harder to breathe.
Everyone is itching and everyone is red.
Everyone is dying and some of us are dead.
Our throats are swollen and we find it hard to breathe.
You're killing yourself and you're killing me.
The smoke won't seem to leave us be.
The fire grows as you add wood.
I swear I'd stop you if I could.
You're on the ground gasping for breath.
You've finally come to your death.
I finally die and catch on fire.
From listening to all of your lies I feel I can retire.
You may be gone but your ashes will remain.
All of your dishonesty and carelessness has driven you insane.
Inhaling the smoke of the poisonous oak didn't have a happy ending.
All of us cried and all of us died because of your rule breaking and bending.

Please rate and comment. I took the time to type up this poem so you take the time to rate if not comment.

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  • 16 years ago

    by robin milford

    Nice poem thanks for your comment on "Dinner on the run"

  • 16 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    This is a great poem. Unique, and wonderfully written. The setting in which you gave the message was very interesting. I quite enjoyed reading this piece. A few things to look at:

    It's getting harder and harder to breath.
    (Breath should be 'breathe')

    Our throats are swollen and we find it hard to breath.
    (Breath should be 'breathe')

    You're on the ground gasping for breathe.
    (Breathe should be 'breath')

    Nice work!
    Take Care,
    Smiles,
    *N

  • 16 years ago

    by Catastrophic Beauty

    Great poem. Wonderfully written. Good choice of words. This is a deep write with such marvelous descriptions. You expressed your emotions beautifully.
    The flow was good for the most part but the last two lines are too long which throughs off the flow. If you made the lines shorter that'll surely fix that problem.
    Also, I loved how you repeated "fire", "smoke" and "breath". That really emphasied those words and made them more powerful.

    Great Job of this. 5/5

    Take Care!

    -Shannon <3

  • 16 years ago

    by Sumit Ojha

    Really nice poem... I like it :D
    Keep up this good work

    ~ Sumit Ojha

  • 16 years ago

    by fvalconbridge

    This is a very sad and emotional poem. Its also very beautiful as well. I gave it a 5/5. I don't relaly have much to say about it apart from it was a really gud write, i really enoyed reading it.

    x

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