Ice-cream Love

I like this one. its well written. and i like how you compared it to ice cream :) great job

Hi lashes, thanks for your opinion. It was helpful. But I won't use your example, because I believe tightening it up would take out some of the emotion supposed to be displayed in this poem. If you come back and see that there's little to no changes in the poem, I just hope you see this comment. ^^;

I will vote at a later date if thats ok.

HI you said you wanted critique so i will give my opinion
i love the original topic but your grammer is very bad [no offence] you shouldent force word in to make them fit try to find away around or change the whole line of poem if neccessary to make the rhyme fit and make the poem tight
here is an example that you can use if you like as it doesn't add or change much in your poem

I love ice cream
I absolutly do!
my head says no
but i cant follow through.

Its appearence is so luscious
in a sensory costume
its flavours so alluring
i long for more to consume

if ice cream could show affection
it would make my heart leap
but i know that it can never be more
than just my favorite treat

you'r welcome to use this if you like as it doesn't change your story line just tightens it up.keep up the good work.

Wow.. this poem was written very well...