Rose In The Dust

Reiko,

Well.. That's a good poem but I am sorry for I have not voted. It is not a 5 scorer from me.

Sad poem?? hm. it almost came across as a dark poem to me. The first line... "The Rose is the Dust." is title right?? Please remove it from the poem's body, as it affects the flow.

As others have pointed out, the second stanza is odd as it does not aat all refer to teh second person whom youhave adressed in all the other stanzas. Also again in the third stanza you refer to the person as "you" and to her/his gaze as "it". That affects the conceptual flow a bit to the reader. The line "The look embedded in my dreams" affects the language flow with the word "dreams", perhaps you can replace that word.

Fourth stanza pushes the reader completely to a dark poem mode. I do not know, whether it is intentional....

The Vision is quite powerfull. Nice way of putting together this poem with such simple choice of words. I cannot do that at all.

Title is more suggestive of a sad poem but as I said, as a whole the poem seems more of a dark poem.

The glance that says it hates me
((I didn't like these lines...I don't know why))

I really liked this poem. Very strong and had a wonderful meaning. Great job.

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex 5.5

Ooh, I'm reading some good poems today! This flowed well, the rhymes worked well, the descripitons were good, and the emotion was clear. Very nicely done 5/5

5/5...it flowed well, and its point went very deep, keep it up....*hugZ*

Great poem, greatly written.5/5