An unfair life.

by βlαξκ ♥ hεαrÏ„   Nov 24, 2006


*its only the start I'm really working hard to complete it, but any suggestions would be nice.*

This girl with beautiful eyes,
She starts to twirl, smiles wide.
Oblivious to all those lies.

Shes a princess in her mind.
Eyes so big yet so blind.
Wheres her daddy who's never there?
She dances still to young to care.
She doesn't know her life's unfair.

This girl with beautiful eyes.
She starts to think, her smile dies.
Finally she opened her eyes and saw those lies,
she crys and crys.

Her mother doesn't treat her right,
doesn't tell the truth,
they scream and yell,
They fight and fight.

*ok thats all i have should i add more or is it bad??? comments please*

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by YourThe ReasonIDiedTonight

    I think it is a good start...just keep on working on it/ also remember it is your poem no one elses, so you have to make your own judgment on it.....5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    You should add onto it cuhs` it sounds unfinished . It is fair -- Not great, but it`s not bad either . It transitions from the father to the mother quite quickly tho . Keep working on it .
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 17 years ago

    by X2892

    To say the truth i thought that this was a great start i give it a 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Brian

    Brilliant!
    To me it looks like each verse is a stage in the girls life (I may be wrong but..) if I am right, carry on each verse as a section of this girls life.

  • 17 years ago

    by Brittany C

    I think that this is a wonderful poem. Please add on to it.5/5

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