Did He Care? {Short Story}

by dollwithafrown   Jan 22, 2007


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This is just mindless babble of mine. I don't even know why I posted it. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch, I suppose you can say, and this was just something I wrote to... explain?

Comments would be greatly appreciated.

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I used to look into those beautiful, big green eyes of his and see the rest of our lives flash before me. It was simply amazing. Enchanting, even. It barely seemed real. We flowed among the branches of each other's heart, and held each other close. We were each other's destiny. That was really all there was to it. Certain words such as 'marriage', 'house', and 'children' were sprung upon us. We laughed them off, knowing that right now we didn't have to worry about such things. We knew in the future that those certain aspects of our lives would seep back in somehow and we would embrace them with generosity, happy for them to finally be upon us, leading us into a brand new world. At that point though, we knew we had time. We had the rest of our lives, we knew...

Now I look into those dark, swollen eyes that hold burden upon burden of hidden secrets. Avoiding truths is his workload, and resisting what was once a temptation has become his frame of mind. No longer the doting couple with a brand new life ahead of us each day. We are now mere skeletons of our former selves. We are now lost, and bewildered, and once again need the comfort of each other's arms - but for different reasons. He has left me. He shows that he no longer cares to be around me, or even cares for me. It makes me wonder, did he ever care at all?

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Simple Sensation

    The description oin this short story was really great. You could imagine it all. I like the way the first paragraph and the secound one contradict each other, it was very effective. The vocabulary usage was good, and i really liked the begining more then the ending yet overall it was a good short story. keep writng! xx

  • 17 years ago

    by donk2ymouth

    Short stories for the win! I like the description used in this, it's vivid. Now, I'm not going to be one of those people who say, "I could almost see it" because I'm sure you'll get that a lot in future comments, but I was able to paint a picture and add in details, even the ones that were missing, For example, only his eyes were described, but I managed to in vision a whole person. The ending is, not as strong as the beginning, but the rest of the short story makes up for it. Keep up the good work.

  • 17 years ago

    by Anonymous Angel

    Im sorry to hear that :(
    I like what you wrote and the choice of words..5/5

    I'm here for you girl..
    take care

  • 17 years ago

    by Tormented

    Im soo sorry to hear that
    It wasnt too bad..i liked ur choice of words also the contrast between the paragraphs..it really had alot of effect!
    Well i hope ur ok! if u need to talk to anyone u know im here :)

    Take Care
    And
    Keep Smiling x

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