Unknown fear

I just wanted you there, to watch me,
i just wanted you there, to love me,
i lived in your house for eighteen years,
and yet you still do not know me.

i am dark inside,
i carry a sadness where ever i go.
i hide from those important to me.

i hide inside because i fear you,
i fear that you have me up on a pedestal,
i cannot come down, i cannot stay,
and yet i fear to disappoint you.

i am lost inside,
i carry anger towards you in my walk of life,
i hide it because you are my father.

you are proud of me, yet you do not know me.
you raised me, but you do not know my scars.
you, my father, i fear to let you down because i am not perfect.

i am not the person whom you believe me to be,
i walk as though you know me, but you do not,

why, you ask?
funny...you have never asked me that before.
now you feel entitled to know?

i do not have an answer,
i still hide, because i fear you will not understand.
you will hide and be saddened.

you are a good man, but it is too late,
i will walk on, knowing that you care,
but i walk with fear,
knowing what you do not.