Lost in fears

by Darkbreath   Feb 3, 2007


Now the darkness is closing in
She opens her eyes to face her damnation
She tastes a little of the sin
The iron taste of her creation

The energy flows slowly out of her veins
She tries to break free from fear's chains
Fear has ruled her every day
But this time, it will not stay

Fear of rejection, fear of love
Fear of death, fear of emptiness
Fear of everything she could think of
Fear has made her into this mess

Now that time is short, a smile cracks on her face
And slowly she stands up for an embrace
While she is looking in the face of death
No more fear, the words of her last breath

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  • 17 years ago

    by Gary Jurechka

    A great poem-though beware of overused topics/words/rhymes/images-this is close in spots to being cliche(which we are all guilty of at times,lol), however it is saved by the flow and emotion of the poem. Mainly is the meaning-you have captured fear well here, put a face to the feeling. I especially like the variation on the rhyme scheme. I like the message of overcoming one's fears-you really capture a truth here.Great work!

    Peace, Poetry & Power,
    Gary Jurechka

  • 17 years ago

    by DarkJem

    Excellent poem.i like the way you have written it and most of it is true about how people fear. and good use of the word fear.i can't see how you can improve this sounds good to me. but that's my opinion. keep it up.

  • 17 years ago

    by Normal is the Watchword

    If you're writing a narrativer poem, you made your point clear and you may ignore the rest of this comment:

    But if you are writing a poem to include the reader then you have distanced yourself in this write. I want to feel the engery flowing such as your object of the poem is feeling. I want to know your third stanza with it's awkwardness would not break the poem's flow. I want to sense her smile. I want to see the darkness around her. Show me the reader what you talking about. Try not to make it so obvious that she is smiling when you can paint the picture with your words.

    You used idfferent vocab: It has potential

  • 17 years ago

    by AwakeInDreamin

    Oh my gosh amazing poem! i loved how you listed all the things most people are afraid of. your poem is so true. i know most people will just say nice cool and so on but i dont think that really should count as a comment because they didnt say why they liked it. you are an amazing writer and i really enjoyed this poem. i just re read it and i have to change what i said my favourite part is when it said "While she is looking in the face of death
    No more fear" especailly since death isnt that bad, sometimes it is freeing someone from a horrible life that they lived. but i am going to stop saying all this because i dont know if you wanted this feed back that doesnt really conclued your poem, but just want to say it again i loved it.

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