Fighting the darkness

My inner most desires
Dark as the cold coals of dead fires
They are kept in check by my minds reason
Doing so is in its self an act of treason
By denying the darkness its hold
I am aging my mind old
Destroying myself for an unattainable goal
So pointless for this to destroy my soul
Why do I chose to do this?
Its as senseless as me bloodying my fist
Yet I do both causing pain to become pleasure
Fighting and losing creating a darker nature
Turning my hate for others into a self hate
This is creating an inescapable fate
My sanity is now coming into question
This is the closes I will ever get to a true confession