I'll never be...

I can't push it away this time
So I'll try to put it down into rhyme
The feelings that control my heart
The pain that has torn me apart

I didn't think he'd hurt me
I didn't think I'd feel the jealousy
I didn't think he'd lie
I didn't think I'd want to die.

Yet, I look at the River flowing
and I cry, secretly knowing
That the problem is really me
That Happy is something I'll never be.