Don't Close Your Eyes

by Tricky Daze   Feb 28, 2007


I remember when i was a little girl on my own
He was always talking to me like nobody else around us
He always guarded me,he didn't let anybody to bring me down
I didn't fight with him even once,with me he did no fuss

Bond was between us,when we even couldn't figure out who we are
There were secret hand-holding under our desk we did
Or kissing each other afraidly after school that we dared
But we didn't know how it was to be apart,we were just a kid

Now i know clearly when i look upon his face
As he is gazing back he is seeing an older and sad smile
But he can see my tears,dropping to that hospital room's base
Doctors and nurses are coming and going with sadness while
He is closing his eyes,i mumbled the painful truth to face
I just found you after 10 years,don't close your eyes'

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Victoria Rainey

    Awww so sad, every thing is really good except there was a few mistakes can easily be fixed though, the commas, you might want an extra space so it wouldn't so crowded in one line.. and the forth line.. maybe it should be Between us there was a bond.. something like that... other than that it is great keep up the work!! 4/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Cattiebrie

    I like your ideas and what you are saying, but some editing will make this a much tighter piece, I agree with Bri Bri, and the changes she suggested, some of the words don't fit. with that said, it is still a good poem, and conveys emotion nicely

  • 17 years ago

    by in.need.of.a.lucky.charm

    The wording was really off in this piece. not one of my favourites

    much love and many kisses,
    bex

  • 17 years ago

    by Allison

    This was so sweet, yet sad at the same time (toward the end). Young love, its the best. Keep up the good work. *5/5*

    Alyson

  • 17 years ago

    by tryinXtoXholdXmyXheadXup

    Bri is right but still this is a great poem and very tru to the heart there is great flow and i love reading your works

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