I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I know you must hate me now.
I love you.
For some reason,
It won't stop.
Now I have died at your hands.
Do not blame yourself.
I know it's my fault.
I know I provoked you beyond reason.
You know that too.
I did this because I love you.
I love you too much.
And as I write this,
It hurts so much.
I thought that I of all people wouldn't be so stupid.
I'm sorry I'm so selfish.
I made you kill because it's the only way I would've been....
....happy....
I made you kill me.
I did so,
Because I knew it was the only way.
That it was the only way I would get you to hold me in your arms.
That it was the only way you would cling to me tightly.
That it was the only way you meant it fully when you said that you love me.
Please forgive my selfish wish.
But I simply want to be in your arms.
I want to know that you really do care about me,
That I do matter to you.
It's actions from you that I desperately hope for,
Its not the words you speak.
I just want you to hold me in your arms tightly.
I'm not meant to write like this,
I'm not meant to feel like this.
I always did everything I could to keep you from feeling,
Anything like this.
I always became unhappy if you ever became anything like this.
I don't allow myself to speak this way,
I try to prevent myself ever seeing this way.
I'm so sorry I'm writing this.
I hope that you will still keep me in your heart.
For that is the only place where I will be happy.
I hope that you never see this.
So that I may suffer.
Because I am not meant to love you.
Because I can't stop this.
Because I can't control myself.
Because I need you.
I hope that everytime we are seen together,
That we look like we're together.
I know that everything I am saying us wrong,
That this isn't what you expected,
That this isn't what you wish for,
That I am wrong in every aspect.
That I am mentally shattered in all of this.
And yet this is the first time I've ever seen with....
So much clarity....
I can't help or stop loving you.
Sometimes I wish for everything to disappear,
And I know that is selfish.
I don't want anyone else to be close to you,
And I know that I am selfish,
And I know that this which I write....
....is the entire Truth and Lie....
That I can no longer do anything.
Nothing which can ever be considered right.
As I write this....
....I resign myself to my doom....
That I am to love you for all eternity,
This ons-sided unrequited love,
This love that you thought I had discarded.
I am doomed to love you only.
Doomed to die Alone.
This is why,
I made you kill me.
So that even if I left alone,
I was together with you,
Until my last thought.
I'm so sorry Brother,
That I love you in a way,
Considered Wrong.
So I die at your hands,
And it feels as though it is only the two of us,
And that the rest of this world has....
Finally Disappeared.
