Comments : Intoxicating sister

  • 17 years ago

    by MaSkEdSoUl

    Wow sooo much anger lol I love this poem, shows how you really feel. Very nice choice of words and Loved It!! 5/5 great job!

  • 17 years ago

    by David

    Again another great poem by you Kaila. the wording was splendid!

    5/5 for always. David

  • 17 years ago

    by xo kisses xo

    Wow....u really expressed how u felt about her. good though!!!

    xoxo kisses

  • 17 years ago

    by Allison

    The emotion in this poem was really strong. Honestly, I feel this way about a certain person that I know.

    Good job! Keep it up! =]

  • 17 years ago

    by firexdancer

    This was amazing, the words were perfect, and the anger flowed so gorgeously, 5/5
    luv gabriella

  • 17 years ago

    by Cella Bella

    Another really powerful poem. I could really feel all the anger and frustration you were expressing here. Great write!
    5/5

    marcella

  • 17 years ago

    by Colby

    Harsh poem, but I actually liked it... good job 5/5

    good ryhming it all made sense

  • 17 years ago

    by Dee

    Ur poems are all so good! i especially love this line "I feel like you have me under some kind of intoxication."

  • 17 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Oh wow. As so many people above, much anger. 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha

  • 17 years ago

    by BeautifulDisaster

    Wow... this poem has a lot of anger in it, but it is touching. i like the flow and some of the wording, not the best i have read but i still like it

  • 17 years ago

    by UnToLd TrUtH

    WOW. This is a great poem. Alot of anger and sadness, you tell it like it is and thats what i like in poems. Your not afraid to hold back on anything. 5/5

    <UnToLd TrUtH>

  • 17 years ago

    by azii

    Awesome job
    LOved it!
    Keep up the great work.

    Take care

  • 17 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    Really interesting and you feel that poem when reading it
    Good job
    Laura

  • 17 years ago

    by Teria

    Your eyes,
    they burn into me with every glare.
    That little smirk,
    makes me want to rip out my hair.
    -----------------------------------------
    That stanza is a little off flow.. I guess. Lol.
    It goes from small to big, small to big.
    So, it would flow better if it was something along the lines of...

    '' Your eyes burn into
    me with every glare.
    That little smirk makes me
    want to rip my hair out. ''
    -----

    You want to be better then me,
    so bad.
    You were the worst mistake,
    your parents could've ever had.
    --------------------------------------
    This stanza is the same as the other one I told you about.. So, it would flow better if it were along these lines:

    ''You want to be
    better than me, so bad.
    You were the worst mistake that
    youre parents could have had ''
    -----

    Hun, this poem was quite outstanding.
    I loved it, great emotion, once again.
    And, also easily related to. :]

    Remember, when I critique, it's not to critize your work, it's to show you ways I THINK, you could improve. It doesn't even have to affect you..
    I'm just saying that because, I dislike telling the bad things of an outstanding poem. :/
    And, that's the case here.. eh.

    5/5
    -Teria

  • 17 years ago

    by Roxy

    Wow,, That is some deep poem by just reading the words I could tell how much you loathed. Its an amazing poem haven't seen one like it since a while. xx keep it up!

  • 17 years ago

    by Xx Eternal Fantasy xX

    Wow i loved this. it reminds me of me when i get mad at my siblings. great way of expressing your anger and inner feelings.you did a great job on the poem and it was very well written. keep up the good work 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Mousie

    Wow that was really... evil... lol that's the best word i can use to describe it. you did a really nice job, it was well written i liked it. it had good flow and good wording, very good 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by .K.i.T.t.Y.

    Wow. i can feel the screaming! so powerful...and then the end. it like becomes something a litlle softer, like a whispered pain.

  • 17 years ago

    by amoxi

    Another great poem, you are an amazing writer, this poem has so much emotion in it, it reminds me of how i feel about my sister sometimes, anyway it was very well written very wonderful job 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Wonderful! So far this is the best write you have. I only found a few mistakes... It's great to know that you like to use puncuation but don't use it after every line. It kinda throws you off. If it helps write it out in lines and you can tell where you need to put commas and periods like here:

    You make me
    scream with frustration!
    I feel like you have me under
    some kind of intoxication.

    There you go ... again you have trouble with flow.. though in this one you did a lot better for this stanza put:

    You are making me,
    scream with frustration!
    I feel like you have me under,
    some kind of intoxication.

    Mucha betta. Over all babe you did a magneficent job. :) I enjoyed reading this. Amazing emotion and rhyming. Just work on that flow!

    Great Write!

    5/5