This Ladder I'm Climbing On Is About to Fall

Swimming though an ocean of lies,
Telling myself there's no such thing as goodbye.
I'm an imposter living a double life,
A desperate girl saying I've never known strife.
Your cold eyes- so hollow, so shallow,
So empty, so callow...
Smiles on your face that don't mean anything,
Lies from your mouth- the truth is now an inkling.
Stars splashed across your cheeks,
Hurt, pain, hurt pain, for the last week.
Desperation clawing at my heart,
So many things I could never do because I'm tragically smart.
I'm lost drowning in the shallow puddle of life,
Your thoughts are as dull as the blunt side of my knife.
I can't get to my pencil, I'm forced to talk instead.
Why aren't I allowed to express the thoughts crashing through my head?
You're so far away- come nearer.
I see hope everywhere I turn besides in my mirror.
Your face brings automatic tears to my eyes,
Everything about the way you act is what I despise.
But yet you clutch my heart in your fist,
I must have gotten lost wandering about in the mist.
Only you know about my pain-
But still its not you that I blame.
Its me, it's me, it's me.
Can't you see me smile as my heart bleeds?
It's me.
Yeah yeah, yes I can.
No no, no I can't.
So yeah, it's me.
And watch me now, watch me as I smash my self esteem.
Looking in a piece of glass at this ugly face,
And I realize now I don't belong in this place.
Yeah yeah, yes I can.
No no, no I can't.
So I guess it's me.
I hope you have fun watching as I smash my self esteem.
But you won't see,
No love, you'll never see.