Boldy Indifferent

Look at all of them- so happy, so bright.
None of them seem to struggle with this neverending fight.
And my heart is so heavy it makes me want to cry,
While I forget the who and contemplate the why.
But the entire time, the answer was hidden in your eyes.
And as I take every breath, while I look in the mirror
Everything makes sense, it all becomes clearer.
I'm a stranger in my own home,
While you sit there looking happy to be all alone.
But I don't belong here, I know it's the truth.
And cursed deep waves have drowned my dying youth.
I look at you all and long to be you so much,
While I try desperately to feel and not touch.
My personal porcelain Hell keeps calling me back,
My sad face is weary as I wonder why I'm so fat.
I'm not like the rest, and I wish it wasn't this way.
And now my whites are slowly becoming gray.
These are the words that tumble from my heart,
And I regret them the second they depart.
I wish I could turn around and stay forever a child,
I'm not nearly ready for this world that's so angrily mild.
Look at all my heroes, the ones who dared to not be the same.
And what can you say? They were all dubbed insane.
But apathy is my enemy and now I'm at a loss,
For I am all emotion and you're glamour and gloss.
These kids that surround me are the ones who failed,
And why do they bother living a life that's so boldly veiled?
But everything in my life seemed so pure and so true,
And then something ruined the balance- that something was you.