Angel

by firexdancer   Apr 1, 2007


Her lips painted in blood,
hollow stomach, caved in for love.
yet you still see none of this,
all you want to do is kiss,
her full red lips.
with your eyes lingering on her hips,
there's too much you have missed.

bandages, once white, now crusted with red,
you can't hear the screams in her head.
yet none of this you see,
none of what is truly she,
her torn soul couldn't flee.
while you break her, searching for the key,
she doesn't stop you, but she knows it was never meant to be.

you'll never know how much she cried,
every time she smiled, she lied.
you say there's nothing more too be said,
watching her sit there, dead,
frozen with dread.
for every word you said she bled,
her eyes so blind, her longing was never fed.

from tears her eyes almost swollen shut,
the knife she hid, but still she'll cut.
none of this is in your sight,
you don't understand why she fights,
you are stealing her precious life, her light.
but still she walks so strong into the night,
an angel poised for flight.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    Very unique and interesting poem, topic is great. You wrote it greatly, rhythm of this piece is excellent and you described emotions superbly.
    Well done, this one deserves 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    I love the rhyme in the poem! Good choice of words! and again a great poem!

  • 17 years ago

    by Coeur Cassa Sage

    This was a very good poem. I enjoyed reading it. I did not pick the winners just because I liked them, but also on grammical errors and flow. Here are my notes.

    Her full red lips. = Her full red lips,
    flee. = flee,
    watching her sit there, dead = watching her sit there, al ready dead (it didn't flow. Add some words.)
    Frozen with dread = No flow. Add discription. Dread from what?
    An angel poised for flight = No flow. Try: An angel poised for her very last flight

    Over all it was really good. Some of it didn't flow though. Just fix it by adding or taking away words.

    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 (8) 9 10

  • 17 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    One thing I'll point out before I say anything else:
    "you say there's nothing more too be said," - 'too' should be 'to'. :)

    I liked this, however, I don't think it's your best. I dunno, everything just seemed a little too cliché for me.

    It was still good to read, though. The rhyming was good and the flow nicely done. I just think it could have been better.

  • 17 years ago

    by David

    Oh well done. this poem was stunning. in every way.

    5/5 David

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