Loosing sight

by jason   Apr 29, 2007


Looking for my light
while losing all my sight
wandering when everything will be alright

looking into the stars
little dots that appear so far
wishing to be told who you are

when its all to hard to take
and you've given up on fate
realizing in this world you cant escape

your problems stay
no matter what they wont go away

not until the day your eyes begin to fade

with a cascade of problem coming your way
just wanting to play
eating away your life while it stay(s)

the light
that was in your sight
now wanders away while nothing is alright

like all the others
you begin to lose your sight
you have lost the fight

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by sara

    Great poem keep it up 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Alesia

    I think you should step away from rhyming. It's not doing any good for your poems. It was a good poem, there's no doubt about it. Try expanding your choice in words next time, and go all-out with description and feeling. Your hand and a pen and paper, with all that. Would make a great poem!

  • 16 years ago

    by Sondos

    There is an issue with the flow here but to be honest that can be easily resolved and what is more important is the message you are trying to convey!

    Which was excellent btw!

    It feels like the thoughts have come out of your head and straight onto the page in such a way that has actually made the flow issue be used to your advantage!

    It has a some how erratic feel to it that makes the poem and subject matter all the more effective!

    Well Done

    This was quite a piece

    Sondos

    (:

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