I miss him

Sometimes i don't realize it's him i miss
cause i drown myself in my friends
i usually try to forget his kiss
but the memory just never ends

i look at his picture and my eyes tear
cause that's when i want him the most
i've handled my own problems for over a year
the times i just needed him close

and soon he'll be home and i should be glad
but inside im scared and it's rotten
it's not that he makes me uneasy or sad
it's that what if somehow i've forgotten

what if he holds me and i can't find the warmth
or he kisses me and sparks don't fly
what if deep down inside my heart
i've moved on and he isn't the right guy

i know i love him and want him home
but what if we're better as friends
what if he's near me and i still feel alone
what will happen to me and him then?

i've grown up a bit but i'm still the same
but...what if he's changed too much?
would he stay with me and play a mind game
or would he admit that we've simply lost touch?

i hate worrying about "us"
before we again begin
but what if it's needless lust?
the relationship an empty sin

and yet i still can't help but miss him
even with worried thoughts in my head
i hope HE hasn't forgotten....
cause without him my soul would be dead