Heart's Desire

Hey! Here I go! :)

Stanza 1:
"Walking alone on a rainy day
Like tears that rolls down my face
I hold myself as tight as I can
As I begin to shiver in this arctic road"

-- There seems to be a sad feeling in this stanza, as it's the 'alone on a rainy day', but I love dancing in the rain, so I think rain = happy, but in this case, I'll feel sad :) Love the word choice, 'arctic road'. Gives me the feeling of 'rain' and 'cold'.. and the 'road' as in 'alone'. Nice choice. :)

Stanza 2:
"All my hopes... Like a raindrop trampled to the ground
I'm a mysterious boy forsaken in my frigid life
No one was there to hold me in their arms...
No one was there when I was tormented by my former love..."

-- Again with the rain. Love imagery here.. 'raindrop.. trampled to the ground'.. leaves a sad feeling here. very well written. Haha.. Love the word 'frigid' -- well used. This is really sad, as if the character/person your writing about is expressing their feelings to me, and as if their head is bowed in depression, telling me, reaching out to me.. :) Very well done. :)

Stanza 3:
"As I am nearing my destination
Someone beautiful stands there like a tree
She shines fiercely like a star in the skies
She's a descended angel from heaven."

-- All of a sudden there is a change. And how you have introduced this is brilliant. Love the word choice here too.. 'shines fiercely'.. and also the metaphor, 'like a tree' or is it a similie? ROFL.. I forgot.. But it's well done :)

Stanza 4:
"As I neared her I felt a warm wind past through me
The breeze carried her sweet angelic scent
She shined like the sun in this misty day
I wish I could have her here in my arms."

-- Naww.. such a sweet stanza.. :) The word choice again is brilliant... however, a suggestion.. maybe, because you use the word 'rain' and 'raindrop' in the previous stanzas and it left me with a 'sad-rainy-day' feeling. So, *suggestion* maybe, change the word 'misty' to 'rainy' because to me, it now sounds like he just came from a horror movie [rofl.] so, rather it sound scary, maybe bring that sad feeling back in? :) Otherwise, love the word choices. :) Brilliantly done. :)

Stanza 5:
"I came closer to her... I could see her eyes
Suddenly I realized it was just my sheer delusion
I look up in the rainy sky and cried...
It was just my heart's desire to love someone..."

-- Nawww.. It ended! :( The imagery is beautiful in this. My personal opinion is that maybe you finished it too quickly.. maybe another stanza could be added, a little like the repeat of the first one? For example:

"I walk alone on this rainy day
The tears that roll down my face
I hold myself as tight as I can
As she disappears on this arctic road"

Maybe?

Just a suggestion :)

Poem Conclusion:
Very well written. I loved it, however, I felt it stopped to abruptly.. Maybe a nice finish will top it off :) Well done!

-- Your work is too good to be left unwritten :)
If you have words bugging you in your mind, WRITE THEM DOWN :) It would be good either way.. as all of your work is! :)

Well done! And Good Luck! :)

[ 5 / 5 ]

All the best,

Nicole

x x x

What a sad poem.
Great rhyming and word choice.
Very emotional.
A beautiful piece of writing.
Take care

It's so true that when we get desperate for love we'll look for it anywhere, sometimes you'll spend a night with somebody just because you wanted someone to hold onto. Excellent poem and amazing imagery 5/5 GG23

I liked the descriptions all around the poem..they were so interesting amd so wonderful
And flow keeps you going
Beatifully penned,
Laura

Awe this is sad. and if u got a thing for sad poems cool i do too