Black oceans

by Danielle   May 18, 2007


Black salty oceans
fall from my eyes
when i think of your world
existing without me.

It burns down my face leaving traces,
wishing your hand would stop the feeling
of salt in my wounds.

After so many rains,
the black no longer falls,
but simply pure tears,
pleading for your forgiveness.

My pillow cries your name at night
and I wait for every sundown
when i lay my head to rest,
the fresh small of the ocean
reminds me of where i have come from
and where i must go.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by A Phoenyx in Flight

    Really good

  • 16 years ago

    by CHEMICALcaitlin

    Ooh I liked this one, and I also agree the black oceans as tears was a good idea that I probably never would of thought of. I felt the sadness of this poem, and that is what makes it unique, the feeling. Good job =)

    ~*Caitlin*~

  • 16 years ago

    by Spirit

    I love the
    assocation
    of tears
    with the
    ocean. this
    was by far
    my favorite
    poem of
    yours. thank
    you for the
    read and
    keep it up.
    l_l

  • 16 years ago

    by SCARECROW

    Oh wow, MUCH better!!!!!

  • 16 years ago

    by SCARECROW

    Well, it's well written, for sure, your vocabulary is just fine. But the lack of stanzas makes it seem more like prose than poetry. It's not an insult, I'm just feeling something missing that could really cinch this as a good poem. Know what I mean? Just, yeah, it could do with not being in a paragraph, I suppose. But aside from layout, it's really, truly well written, and for that you must certainly be congratulated~

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