What's with the arguements?

What's with the arguements,
What's with the lies,
I hate the anger,
I hate the pain.

I hate the way I get,
The way I cause such pain,
The fact that in an arguement,
I strike back just as hard.

I know I shouldn't do that,
I know I shouldn't care,
I shouldn't let it get to me,
I should just stay calm.

But when the mental barrage starts,
I just seem to lose control,
I never mean to hurt them back,
I never mean to scare.

I hate the way it makes me feel,
I hate the way I become,
I hate the way I lose it all,
I hate the way I'm mean.

I never mean to hurt them,
I wouldn't if I knew,
Just how much it hurt them,
When I lose my mind.