Counterplay {{revised}}

by .K.i.T.t.Y.   Jul 17, 2007


NOTE TO READERS: I've revised it. Let me know what you think.
~~~~~~~~
It was two AM when I approached your door,
With my keys and purse clutched tightly in my hand,
And over-used body thrown to the floor,
Looking hopelessly at my only escape...

Him.

He scooped me up in his tireless arms,
And carried me to the couch,
Fetched me my favorite drink,
And settled beside me in a slouch.

His golden, green eyes gazed,
As if he carried a burden of pain,
Looked at me with pity,
Because of tears that remained.

With a sigh he whispered,
"Okay, you got me,
What else do you want,
What do you want to see?"

With a smirk I returned the gaze;
I knew exactly what I wanted,
I wanted Her dead,
To feel more than just taunted.

Teary eyes sparkled now,
As he held my hands in his;
We closed our eyes naturally,
Knowing that old ritual of The Whiz.

Visions ran through his mind
Imitating a 70's film strip,
Showing me every scene,
Of what was to come in a zip.

The stoke of the blade gently caressing
My mother's golden neck,
Blood slowing trickling down;
Before I withdraw I leave a peck.

Such a rush I feel within my veins,
As I experience the final scene,
Laughing to myself as curtains close,
All dependence weaned.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Fsams

    Such a rush I feel within my veins,
    As I experience the final scene,
    Laughing to myself as curtains close,
    All dependence weaned.

    Wow a nicely reviced piece. I loved this stanza. Truely amazing. Keep it up 5/5

    Fsams

  • 16 years ago

    by stefanie

    Wow. this was interesting. it was very dark. the imagery and the flow was amazing. i never read a poem like this one. its greatly and uniquely written.

  • 16 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Interesting, but remember: keep the reader captivated. This really didn't do anything for me; no lines stuck out and I really didn't like the beginning.
    Beginning and endings are very important; they make the most impression.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

  • 16 years ago

    by JaMeS

    Very dark and descriptive poetic i like im not usually into dark poems so you did well :) top notch

  • 16 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This is a fantastic poem, the imagery and flow are absolutely amazing throughout. The poem is very unique and starts of strong and only gets better as the reader goes on. Excellent job 5/5 GG23