Control

I don't feel like myself anymore.
like someone else is controlling me.
No longer do I control my laughter,
Or the breath I'm allowed to breathe.

Not a moment goes by or even a second,
That I don't miss those happy days.
I just wish that I wasn't so down and out,
Wishing that I still knew how to pray.

I can see myself on the outside,
The picture is plain and clear.
Wanting something more out of life,
But I can't overcome my fears.

People have tried to help me,
But I keep pushing them away.
I imagine myself at my own grave sight,
Saying, "so this is where I lay."

Knowing that I have so much to live for,
The good should out weigh the bad.
Someone should have rescued me,
Before I bled the blood I bled.

I don't want to die really,
Can some one please tell me what I should do?
How would you feel if you had no control over yourself,
And someone else had control of you?