Another Day

'The sun has lost the fight, my love
Inside my soul the break.'

The first line was BEAUTIFUL but completely killed with the last. 'Inside my soul the break'. . . You were getting so artsy that you interrupted the flow.

'I deeper hurt that clings so fast
To broken parts of me.'

I think the 'I' before 'deeper' is supposed to be 'A' and if not, then thats a really weird line that I don't quite understand. . .

This was a very gorgeous poem. The topic to wording was lovely. Of course, there was a minor problem but it didn't disrupt the whole poem. It's nice reading a love poem that is disquised as a sad poem. Your words really struck me and I was kinda disappointed when the poem ended lol. Great write. Never stop writing. You have a real gift. :)

Nice piece. Loved these lines

The sun has lost the fight, my love
Inside my soul the break.

if you have any suggestions for my own poetry, I would appreciate it as I have come to respect you as what I consider to be one of the best poets on this site (and one of the best i've read).
Charisma*

Red tears inside my heart, my love
Among the thoughts I see
I deeper hurt that clings so fast
To broken parts of me.

Another day, my love, is gone
Now darkness takes my breath
It holds me in this lifeless tomb
And comforts me in death.
^^^^
I couldn't choose a favorite stanza because I loved both of these.

Dang Auntie I just get the tears under control and you have them flowing again with this piece ... lol
Then again all your poems seem to strike my heart leaving me breathless.

Wonderfully penned, as always and a very touching read.

Have a great weekend Auntie
Much love
Luanne

I enjoyed it very much..a breath taking piece..

Keep it up!!