I can't believe
That I'm falling back into
The same hole I once dug myself into
Only 2 years ago.
Only this time
I'm not sure if I'm going to
be getting out of it.
And I'm not planning on even trying
I'm ashamed;
I've done something unforgivable.
My heart is slowly dying
And after so much crying,
I'm finally ready to go through this again.
I'm done with my life.
And I'm tired of my ignorant ways
For each and every time I turn around
Someone gets hurt because of me
I'm tired of my lies and so much deceiving;
I wish I could old all over again
And I won't be coming back
So no one will ever be hurt
Because of me.
I've never been so disgusted;
I've never been so stupid;
I've never been so selfish;
I've never been so ashamed of myself;
Up until now.
I hate this,
Along with myself.
Me, and my stupid self.
Nothing can stop me anymore.
This is slowly killing me
And I'm not going to care;
I'm letting it happen.
I deserve it;
It will be fair.
And I'll be leaving hopefully
So nothing I do
Will hurt anyone anymore.
And I might as well,
For it'll be the best for everyone.
I truly never thought
That I'd cry so much again.
Only that now I can't stop,
This pain is consuming me more
Each and everyday more and
I've lost myself
In my own lies
In my misery
In whatever is left of my heart.
**~~**
::HOURS LATER::
Tonight, for the first time in my life
I actually got ready to leave this world,
I got up and got dressed
And ready to leave my house
And headed out the door.
I was going to go across the street from my house
And just jump in front of a car.
I don't care anymore.
This time, not even God
could even help me.
I was so lost in my tears, that
I can't even remember the reason
why I still breathe.
I'm lost.
I just want to stop this
From getting worse. My heart
is at its last
And I don't know if I'll last
For much longer.
This time I can't even explain
In words on paper
How I feel.
But that this time, I can feel
That I won't be able to come back from this.
But I'm not going to let this stop.
Its all my fault.
