Now You're Gone (Lento)

Debbylyn,

This has just touched my heart like nothing before. My eyes are raw from the tears and. Have Goosebumps. It's beautiful yet sad and full of the utmost real emotion I have ever seen in a piece before now

Snow upon thy tender bloom
Go quietly to thy rest
Know sweet lullabies unsung
Grow still within my breast
^^^^
This stanza is so serene and written well the metaphor of snow resting on flowers like your baby resting with god and the lullabies that you cannot sing because of the unforseen circumstances ust have been hard to write at the time but you did it perfectly. The visuals so creative.

Bare the ground as parchment
Wears dry upon the gale
Care the thoughtful gardener
Shares tears within the pail
^^^^
Such beauty in what you write here. I feel that you are talking of the tears you have cried and how possibly the parchment is to hold your baby close.
A lovely write and dedication.

Take care, Em

Debbylyn,

I am in awe of your work and have been reading some of your poems and your work is incredibly good. I have much to learn.

I would like to comment on this one, if I may?

1st Stanza
An appropriate metaphor here: snow on a tender bloom. The icy cold of snow causes a silent suffocation of life. There is no reason for this, just natures call, or maybe heavens? Then the reference to un-sung lullabies brings immediate images of sadness and of incredible loss, not just of the infant, but also for the loss of what that adult that person would have become.

2nd Stanza
Another two superb metaphors: Parchment, suggest dryness to me, add this to the next one a gale eroding any life that may have clung to the already dry ground.
The last two lines, the gardener and the pail reference. I see the gardener as the father, his grief along with the mother, both crying their tears of lost hope together.

Very well done, to be able to express yourself as eloquently as this is a skill, but to do this with such a strict form is magical.

Take care

Michael

Beautifully written...

"Snow upon thy tender bloom
Go quietly to thy rest
Know sweet lullabies unsung
Grow still within my breast"

^^ loved this stanza...
so much beauty you have created with the words... very hearfelt...

"know sweet lullabies unsung"
^^ very touching and emotional..

excellent poem...

First off, I'd like to offer my condolences. This poem must have been extremely difficult to write. I presume it is about a lost child, If the presumtion is wrong I apologise.

Even with such a difficult topic, you did a marvellous job completing such a resoundingly beautiful poem. This really tugs on the heart-strings.
I must admit though, I feel rather bad after reading this, this is a very personal piece for you. It's a brave thing writing it, an even braver thing to share it.

My thoughts are with you.

You did an excellent job on this form. Powerful and deeply saddening. Your flow great, word choice creative. An impeccable and heartfelt piece of art.