Darkness

**Not Really A Poem...More Of A Vent Than Anything.**

Why is it that whenever one aspect of my life begins to go the way I planned, all the other aspects come tumbling down like an avalanche? I pick myself up, dust myself down ready to start again, but it's always the same events. Life goes well, something happens and once again I'm left in a huge catastrophic mess, each time sinking a little further than the last. One day, I'm not sure I'll emerge from the melancholy at all.

I keep trying so hard to get my life together, but it's like someone wants me to fail. Circumstances and people combined are constantly dragging me so low, that sometimes I think I will suffocate in the misery. Sometimes, I wake in the morning and I pray to fall back asleep because I honestly don't feel like I can handle the approaching day.

But I force myself up, knowing that at any given moment and in any given place, there's the possibility of the tears breaking free. And I try my hardest to keep them at bay, because if I started now, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to stop.

And with each passing moment, I think "tomorrow's a new day. Things will be better." But they never are. In fact, the days just become more difficult as they pass by. What did I do to deserve this pain? I honestly have no idea. I wish someone would tell me so I knew what I was being punished for. I wish my life had turned out so differently. All I want is to go back to the past. Back to when mother's hugs fixed everything and the worst thing I had to fear was a scolding from Daddy. I wish I didn't have to feel this pain.

Everyone is so wrapped up in themselves, it's like my emotions are of no importance, and then they wonder why I am the way I am, and why I do the things I do...I am only this way because of what they have made me. The ways I use to cope to deal with all of this anger and sorrow are damaging, yes. But, I don't know any other way to be.