1000 Truths; I Couldn't Hate Myself More!

You think you know it all-
You think I'm just an idiot following and waiting to fall.

Well guess what?
I'm at a loss for words, for almost
the first time.
Because of this damn frustration,
I can't be saved by a simple rhyme.

You may think I'm just trying to fit in, or be 'cool,'
But darling, I'm so sick of you thinking I'm the fool.

I saw that glare from right across the room,
I'm no idiot: I know very well that we're doomed.

My friends aren't my friends, and I dunno who the hell I am.
I'm lost and confused, and I know that you don't give a damn.
I'm in too deep, this time for good,
Yeah, I know you would...but does that still mean that you should?

Falling in and out of old habits I tried so hard to break,
For God's sake, just look at me, I'm a real fake.

The only thing genuine about me is that image of you stuck in my head,
You know, the one that makes me collapse with dread?

I fall apart at the thought of who I am,
You're no longer there for me to call, because I know I just can't.
My smile dies with the moon, and acts with the sun.
I swear, though, I really DID think you were the only one...

This has to be my fault, I know that much is true,
But I guess that I should have seen along, all those flaws that shone through.

A year ago, I buried them in more handshakes and lies,
And dug them up again just now.
[Darling, I'm used to you saying goodbye.]

It's been so long since I've cried like this,
Lately I've clad myself in bitterly fake bliss.
Physical things were the only things that mattered to me;
You remember the days that I used to be at least semi-deep?

The worst part is, I know that this just isn't me.
And if it is, God, please take my life- this isn't how I want to be.

Too cold to get close to anyone,
'Cuz I know my heart can explode like a machine gun.
Aim it at me, that's basically what I've done;
I was wrong when I thought shallow was fun.