Sick and tired of this

I'm sick and tired of seeing people smile and laugh as they walk by
i hate when people look at me and say you look so cute today
when all they do is look at me and say how old are you 14 ??? do i look 14 to you hell no i don't think so .when all they think when they look at me is that I'm full of problems and nobody understands anything unless if you've been there the straight kids don't know what its like to be gay and the lesbians don't know ho it is to be straight . so if you haven't been here don't judge.
every one thinks just because I'm an ex- cutter that it's in my blood . and whenever i have a bad day I'll go back to the knife.but what they don't know is the day he walked away out of my life is the day i started over trying to be better than i was . so look at me now . am i 14 or 17 ????which one do i look no baby face no pony tales no girly pink makeup. black eyeliner, Burgundy eye shadow ,and hair died black now so how old do i look ??? do i look mature for someone who's had a shitty life . who's been put down 1,000,000 times , who can no longer stand at times , and a girl who never likes to cry because it shows weakness.
I'm sick and tired of seeing people mile and laugh as they walk by me . i hate how people say you look so cute today . How old do i look today like every day 14??????? no 17 almost 18. and how people judge just because they don't know you . if you knew em you'd understand me better than you already think you do.