I like it a lot... Interesting and very unique poem. The story behind it is great and the rhythm that follows emotions through the whole piece is exciting. The twist in the end is very sad and tragic yet very effective.
The only thing I don't like are the rhymes because they seemed too typical. I don't want to offend you, that is just my opinion but I think that sometimes it's better to write non rhyming poetry then to force rhymes.
All in all, great work!