Oh poor stupid boy

I agree with cayce....alot of mistakes... and flow was completely off.. i liked the topic and you got your point across but i think you could have written it a little better...4/5

Really like this poem, favourite line by far is;

"Maybe I shouldn't paint you only in black,"

Good write but very sad,

Em xXx

Okay first of all I though the topic of this poem was really common. The rhymes felt really forced. The flow was awkward, but it was a pretty decent poem. There were a lot of mistakes though.

Oh poor stupid boy,
Do you know what have you lost?
[^^It should be "Do you know what you have lost?]
You tried to reach that glow,
You failed in it, but also lost the heart that loved you most.
By playing roles and acting so
[^^I felt that you just put so at the end to make it rhyme. It doesn't make much sense]
You showed me you are so fake
[^^I think you should have used a better descriptive word for "so".]
Person who I used to think you were
[^^That line was really awkward]
Was only my deception, but now is perfect time for me to wake.
[^^Put "the before perfect]
What are you trying to prove by wearing mask?
[^^Maybe you could us another word for mask, facade perhaps?]
Oh if you were sincere everything would have happened other way.
[^^"Other" should be "another".]
You have become the one we joke about, ha, yes you did your best,
By lying, and envying, and forgetting friends, and actually I have no more words to say.

Maybe I shouldn't paint you only in black,
[^^That was my favorite line in the whole poem. If you could make the rest of your poem like that it would be amazing.]
And you are kinda funny and, like, full of joy,
[^^You should leave out the "like".]
But I have to doubt isn't this also fake,
[^^I think it would sound better as "But I have to doubt this is also fake".]
Oh damn insincere boy?