Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

~anonymous~

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman