"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a LOSER in aluminum foil."

I hate you because you make me love you.

Want to Make $$$$ with your Computer? No Risk! Simply press shift-4 four times in a row

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757

If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.