Selfish Girl

by Lonely Little Dreamer

Selfish girl without a care.
Given all a person could bare.
Taking greedily without a word.
Blindly killing hearts and souls.

Selfish girl without any morals.
Bounce from bed to bed.
Destroying images and beliefs.
Until the last heart can no longer beat.

Selfish girl all alone.
Wonders where all her friends have gone.
She looks upon the earthen ground.
Bleeding corpses all around.

Selfish girl full of tears.
Yelling up to heavens clouds.
Anger and full of rage she questions.
How could you leave me all alone!

 

Submission date : 2007-06-19

Visits : 7837
Votes : 5
Rating : 4.8

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Latest comments

XxdeenaxX ( C D ) at 2007-06-20

I loved it
its difference

Richard Machado ( P C D ) at 2007-06-20

It has alot to say, the poem; and, the insight it holds makes up for the spotty rhythm. The last line, caps off the poem; so, you should have put a flow like one of the stanzas before, 'earthen ground...all around.'

Other than that it is an exelent poem, and should be sent to Paris Hilton, pronto. Good work!

~Richi~

Sam Mayo ( F P C D ) at 2007-08-22

Great job i love the flow and emotion that you put into almost as if your fussing at someone, yelling/ wishing that they'd behave.
WOW
5/5

Lonesomeme ( F P C D ) at 2007-08-28

Ok, this poem was pretty good, I thought I got it but the reason she is anger is beside me...She lost someone and she is alone, but the rest of the poem portrays her as the predator not the victim....If I am grasping this right, she is lashing out and doing these things because she has been hurt?...well, it was a good write, I like it when I am left thinking about the different possibilities, poetry is ALWAYS open for interpretation...best wishes lots of luck 5/5.

Void ( F P C D ) at 2007-11-01

Hmm... Well I like that this write has its own hidden story (which isn't actually so hidden); however I'm not quite sure what to think. In some parts ov the story it seems she's killing hearts and souls the same way a bully might - pheeding oph ov the happiness ov others. I just don't see it being a literal thing. Especially the part where she's going phrom 'bed to bed'. To me this was either a pretty literal part ov the story, where she got back at a lover phor leaving her behind... But then I read it a phew more times, and maybe she is going phrom dream to dream?... lol I think I'm over tired honestly, it usually doesn't take me so much thinking to phigure out which way the writer is going. But even at that, I do love that it's possible to go in dipherent directions. I love that about your writing, but right now I wish I wasn't so lost in possibilities.
I also phelt that the last sentence ov your poem didn't quite seem to phit the rest ov it. It just seemed like such a change in tone. Though iph I had to phind a good thing about that, it would be that it summed up your write quite well... So I guess all this blabbing isn't exactly necissary, but I say it anyway, because sometimes the writer sees what I mention, and agrees with me. So I hold back no thoughts...
Last, and certainly least, is the grammar. I'm kind ov picky when it comes to this (which is why this lack ov the letter 'eph' really bothers me) because I like to be told how to read it while I'm reading. When there are no commas to lead me, or too many typos to distract me, it takes so much away phrom the poem. I only noticed a problem here:

Yelling up to heavens clouds.
Anger and full of rage she questions.

Yelling up to {heaven's} clouds,
{Angry} and full of rage, she questions
How could you leave me all alone?!

Iph you don't want 'angry and phull ov rage', you could have 'phull ov anger and rage'.. or something along those lines... Anyway, I hope you don't take anything too close to heart, as I still believe you are much more experienced at this writing thing than I am. I have simply given you my two cents (and a little more) it is your choice iph you use it or not... Wonderphul write :).



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