Old Green Vein Dream [Are you having too much sugar]

by Sarah   Apr 2, 2008


He slowly walks into the darkness with a sharp pointy blade
He first scars his wrist and hides under the cold weepy shade
The blood trickles down his arm feeling its dim deep pain
He's lastly going to end it tonight by sliting his old green vein

One, Two, Three, the clock kept on ticking
Three, Four, Five, The lights started flicking
The blade hastily falls onto the floor with a shrill scream
'Wake up, honey' you are only having a bad old dream

[Note: This was only a six minute poem. I'll like to know what you think.]

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    For some reason I really liked this. I can't quite put my finger on i, but there's a unique aura I sense, partially because of the imagery.

  • 11 years ago

    by Andrew

    This is short but very nice, i really like the title, well thought of. Good work keep it up

  • 11 years ago

    by Robie Lincer

    To me this is not only a 6 min poem, but an excellent poem...

    i love how you rhymed the last word of each line.

    The flow of the poem, makes a reader to keep on reading, the way you used your words was really good...

    and no one would have expected it was a bad old dream in the end...

    very well written...
    keep it up always.

  • 11 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Sarah,

    soem people do this, I know and you have made a good poem about it. I hope it's not about you, but I don't think it is:)

    Hugs,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 11 years ago

    by Im not broken anymore

    I love it very nicely done... And i hate when people do this but i think if you take out old at the end it will sound better... But its your poem its amazing good job 5/5