And What A Tragedy It Would Be If I Lay Among the Dead Men

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Aug 29, 2010

I wish I'd never had the taste of his name in my mouth. I certainly think it's time for a formal goodbye. My heart beats, but I'm no longer aware of such a tragedy. And yet what a worthless prayer it would be (and selfish, too perhaps) to ask my heart to stop tapping in its rhythmic pattern, for if my heart should stop it would be likely to say that I am dead.

And what a tragedy it would encounter if I lay dead among the worst of men. They whisper to me, "Why, my dear, you're quite too beautiful to be in such a place. Whatever lead you here?" And with all my hearts contempt, I shall try not to comply and answer, yet by my best judgment, I whisper back, "Why, my dear misguided man," (lest I come up with another name, worse perhaps, yet that describes this man further), I reply, "it was the argument of love (in which I have lost myself) that brought me here."

So, I wish not that my heart stops beating, but yet that I stop breathing -
"Oh, but on the contrary my dear! That too would land you here," the poor misguided man reminded me.
So, I wish not that my heart stops beating, but that the world stops turning - if only for a moment - so I can draw near to your heart, once again, but without you knowing this time. "Shhhh," I whisper to my new found friend (the misguided man), "shall the world stop turning for one single moment I should simply take his heart and run, like he did in the midst of mine, unknowing." (Which I must say, quiet angered me, for I did not know it happened til I found how much it hurt to breathe without you).


I had just met this misguided man (my new found friend) only moments before in the midst of wanting my heart to stop it's ridiculous rhythmic pattern that was then driving me nuts. I had just met this misguided man, when I realized what a complaint I had put up to him, without the slightest knowledge of who he was. Thus, I turn to my new comrade in the air of something pristine:
"Why, oh why!" I sigh heavily, shaking my heavy heart in turn.
"Why what, my love? Why does the world still turn, whether you see it fit to or not; it shall always be this way, and hunny, let me tell you: there's nothing worse than breathing when you don't feel you can."


And so, the beating of our hearts are no more; the touch of your skin is now foreign to my embrace. What to say? when the humming of our frequencies (which once clashed so well) is too low to hear?

I contemplated this for quite some time. It is as if the chemicals which once were pleasurable together (Hydrogen twice over and Oxygen, which I would likely use to describe us) became gaseous and vaporized, spreading the small and large parts, that were us, apart. I contemplated more and slowly stood up, knowing I must go soon. I felt much better, now that I could breathe again. And as soon as I shook the poor misguided man's hand, I simply asked (more out of politeness than at all), "What is your name, poor soul and friend? It was such a pleasure, though I realize I just complained, to meet your acquaintance and have the pleasure of experiencing a fresh taste of air."

He only shook his gorgeous face into a half-smile and replied, "you're quite right, my dear. I'm nothing but a misguided man; a poor soul."
And I awoke.
With that indication, I abruptly realized that He was certainly no misguided man. (Must I spell it our for you? Can't you see, he was) but the knight in shining armor of us all.


I wish Id never had the taste of his name in my mouth. Its time for a formal goodbye. My heart beats once again, from the help of one misguided man that stood there all along, unknowingly. What a tragedy it would have been, had my heart stopped it's beautiful rhythmic pattern, for if it had, I was likely to be a dead man among the worst and the best, the best and the worst. May they whisper forever in my ear as I lean more to being able to open my heart again, and may they forever whisper in my heart as I learn that I'll forever have the misguided man.

What a tragedy it would be, oh indeed, if I lay among the dead men.


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Khalid

    Good job. I think this should belong to the sad category since it inckudes some frustration.
    I enjoyed the reading. Keep writing.

  • 7 years ago

    by jescelle

    Beautiful and moving!
    This piece caught me in every emotion you described. I loved how you said it would be a selfish prayer... It was the first key to building this into a hopeful rather than hopeless ending to a relationship; as if while you would rather embrace death then that pain, you also know your own importance. So I absolutely loved that part :)

    You asked for some constructive criticism, and while I can't find much, I'll try :)
    "And what a tragedy it would encounter if I lay dead among the worst of men." This lost me a little... Unless you just accidentally missed a word (I do that sometimes lol), it had me wondering what "it" is that's encountering you laying among the worst of men...

    "So, I wish not that my heart stops beating, but yet that I stop breathing -
    "Oh, but on the contrary my dear! That too would land you here," the poor misguided man reminded me.
    So, I wish not that my heart stops beating, but that the world stops turning" I think it's important to lace these three together. First you say you wish your heart stopped beating, then that you stop breathing, and lastly that the world would stop turning. So in the last line here, it would impact the reader more to say "So, I wish not that I stop breathing, but that the world stops turning."

    I didn't mind it much, but some might: The repetitive usage of describing your friend as your 'newfound friend who is also a misguided man'. It didn't get in the way of your message at all like no name was trying to say... But if you wanted to move that repetition to the ending when we all realize who he really was it could pack a bigger punch... Although I'm not sure how that would be done, but I'm sure you'll find a way. Your very talented after all!

    Thank you for sharing this, it will be a comfort for anyone going through this right now. If I could have had this during my last break up, I would have been able to pick myself up faster. 5/5! Never stop writing! :)

  • 7 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    3.5 ?
    I would like to start commenting by pointing out something u maybe already know
    down voting this writing is but the 1st proof to how GOOD it is..

    U have really really a creative mind, that weaves some amazing amazing images and
    create lines that makes the readers open their eyes widely.

    I have loved each single line ..what an image nation u got , i felt so much interested in ur work..I dnt see many good poets anymore over here,..they dnt exceed 40..out of all the members..but no bet am adding u to the list.

    keep writing
    it just suits u !5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Spirit

    In reading this poem I instantly understood that it is not witten to be read. Just as Shakespear was not written to be read. This poem that you submitted was written to be preformed.
    This is how I know this.
    While reading your poem I felt and overflow of emotions that would be better expressed with hand movments rather than words. You found yourself coming back to the same words inorder to try and get your point across. I found that you repeated a few sayings and thus I got lost in what you were trying to say.
    Try re-reading this poem with the stanzas reversed, (that's what I do when I want to change things.)
    Does this poem have potential? yes
    but your not there "with this poem" just yet.
    Let inspiration come to you, don't force it.
    Thank you for the read, and I look forward to your views on what I can improve.

  • 7 years ago

    by No Need For A Name

    The pointless and senseless ramblings within this piece are directionless and self-indulgent. With zero structure, there is no flow to be found, which doesn't help the complete lack of solid wording. Repitition in many works can be useful, while here it seems to add to the heavy wording used for te sake of using. This is poorly written, poorly thought out, and poorly developed all together.

    Peace and prosperity,