Evening Consumption *Collab with Britt*

by Rania Moallem   Sep 29, 2010


Evening moon rises deep into the night
of twinkling eyes, and swaying skies
another heart filled with lonely goodbyes
catching my soul, where dimness lies

A drenched broken heart loses it's light
lifeless laying here, as hurt penetrates
Clouded vision, unable to think straight
I'm dreaming of love, or learning to hate

An internal battle, struggling to fight
breathing insanity, losing my mind
searching for an answer, stars unkind
sparkling with life, yet leaving me behind

Distancing the pain between wrong and right
losing sensations from the tip of my tongue
Biting back a melody of a saddened song sung
that vanished like me; morning rose along

collab with BRITT..please leave her a copy of your comment :

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/sad/poems.php?id=1153241

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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Jad

    A simply wonderful poem from the start to the finish. I liked the ideas you worked around in this poem. The collab was great as it was impossible to tell who wrote what stanzas. I was impressed by the imagery and emotions that came from this poem as well. The overall poem was wonderful and creative and kept the interest from the reader from beginning to end. Great job and keep writing.

  • 7 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    This was a line by line collab not stanza /stanza :)
    and

    i think ur right but it is supposed to be predictable cause we followed

    A
    b
    b
    b

    A
    c
    c
    c

    each 1st line rhymed with the other 1st line of the next stanza..then each 3 lines of each stanza..rhymed 2gather

  • 7 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This is an amazing piece to say the least. I know how hard it can sometimes be to write a poem this perfect when you're using not just one mind, but two. I loved the flow and the rhymes were defintely strong. If this is the quality of work I can expect for your collabs together.... I hope you write more and soon :) 5/5 no doubt.

  • 7 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow!! This poem is amazing and this is one of the best collaborations I have ever read. You both work very well together and you should be proud of yourselves for writing such a deep and emotional poem. I loved everything about it. You express emotions so vividly and I really loved the style of this poem. Well done!