No Line on the Horizon

A very descriptive piece. I found myself engossed in this poem from start to end. It made me think of adam and eve. I think there are times in life we are all tempted by forbidden fruit in one way or another it is just a shame that giving into temptation sometimes means breaking someone elses heart.

5/5

"Bitten like a summer peach
you devoured my sweetness
and left me bitter,
revealing my inner stone."

`I found that to be one of the most creatively beautiful things I have read in a long time. The contrast between the soft outter flesh and the stone was an amazing way to describe your feelings and how things change especially in a relationship.

We find ourselves falling deeply in love and so we give someone that soft sensitive side we hold dear to our hearts, but once hurt and pain arises all we are left with is the hardness of the stone, that's all we've got to give as we've been hurt too much.

This poem was extremely clever, the topic Bliss gave was a great one but I never would of expected this. You took the idea of invisibility to a whole new level, one I've now become fond of. I've never thought of it in this way.

This poem is beautiful, I can't describe how much I adore it. I'll be back to nominate once the votes restart this week.

You are amazing Lu.
-Mel.

I could be wrong, but I almost feel you could take out 'in your' before thoughts in the first stanza? It would read better that way to me and still make sense, hopefully still holding the intentional meaning.

The bit about you becoming invisible to someone is so sad. You followed it up with an excellent metaphor with the summer peach, that was lovely!

I loved your poem, and it did deserve to win. It's beautiful yet sad. It's so very well expressed, and the ending was brilliant. When someone becomes invisible to you and they come back later on apologizing, sometimes the best is to let them go and become invisible to them. Loved this write from you, it's awesome!

Was there an allure towards the forbidden
that tempted your tongue and sprouted
in your thoughts?

^
Beyond creative....thought provoking..specially 'the forbidden that tempted your tongue'

I, your life,
with my beauty and strength.

-At least that is what you said-

^
The pause here is perfect,I tried reading this poem out loud..in my room...even more beautiful.

Until your conscience fell silent
^
So with this you mean that someone did wrong,and it their conscience doesn't even bother them?
Nice way to put it!

and I became
an involuntary invisibility.
Bitten like a summer peach
you devoured my sweetness
and left me bitter,
revealing my inner stone.

^
I guess with this you mean someone who brings out the worst in you?... Lovely metaphor with the peaches and all

As yellow unfolded into black,
you left me
quickly, with dizzy thoughts
and tragic bruises
that scarred our roots.

^
Left you confused right?... Dizzy thoughts..hmmm.well thought!

My inner nature
met a broken world.
And I tasted the raindrops
of antipathy, when you crawled
through the thorns of my mind
and said
"I'm sorry"

^
Thorns of my mind.... That imaginary..blew me away..that's my favorite stanza in the whole poem!

Oh how I loved the way your eyes
glistened in the sun
as your heart fell from my palm.
And I said
"Invisibility"

- couldn't be a better way to end this.
I absolutley adore this piece...it better win...or I will go nuts!!...

Amazing job lu! You rock!