Comments : Cleopatra Statue

  • 5 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    I actually went and read wiki to know more about Cleopatra ...

    //eyeliner, thick as the River Nile
    feeling alone within her kingdom.

    // loved these descriptions ... It's so different from the perception people have about her.

    //As the dark skies kiss the sunlight
    Her followers leave her side
    Whispering their endless goodbyes
    She then becomes a sculpted statue

    With tears In her eyes....

    // The images in this para are beautiful and touching. Wonderfully penned.

  • 5 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    That was Cleopatra. A beautiful woman on the outside, her heart very cold. She had no remorse. I love this poem, you described
    her so well

  • 5 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    Awww its kind of sad:(
    But an Amazing poem I tully love it:)

  • 5 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    She lurked behind corridors
    disguised as a queen

    ^Reading this brought a vivid image in my mind of a slender beauty walking gracefully..liked this!

    eyeliner, thick as the River Nile

    ^Yes, I have seen movies about Cleopatra where the eyes used to be bold and sharp with thick eyeliner. Your choice of words shows good imagery here.

    Eyes, sharp as an eagles gaze
    she glances crossed the palace

    ^The word crossed should it not be across..? Yes Cleopatra did have sharp eyes. I read about her history and one thing they always highlighted was her sharp gaze.

    searching for a friendly smile
    detached from a world she once knew.

    ^These lines highlight the loneliness of a beautiful and powerful queen..as her life was always filled with enemies.

    As the dark skies kiss the sunlight
    Her followers leave her side
    Whispering their endless goodbyes
    She then becomes a sculpted statue

    With tears In her eyes....

    ^Such a sad end for a majestic queen. Isn't it upsetting to see a woman with powers and laced with beauty dies painfully..liked the read.

  • 5 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    I have a different take on this poem.

    It seems to be about the legend of Cleopatra, not the original herself; as though this persona is so significant it took on existence separate from the living woman. We see her in a mythic form, stalking the palace she once dominated, but now there is a disconnect. She is 'disguised' - not a real queen but the memory of one. Her suppliants are ghosts, incapable of reestablishing her to true power. Their goodbyes are endless because this dynamic has continued for more than 2000 years and will last for the indefinite future. Final evidence for this interpretation is that the shift from active spirit to static sculpture occurs at dawn as the dark skies kiss sunshine - fantastic imagery. The haunting hours are done, the statue resumes her passive existence, waiting for the witching hour to recur.

    I would suggest a couple of changes:
    Either change "crossed" to "across"
    OR change the line to: "her glance crosses"

    You might change promise to promised.

  • 5 years ago

    by Jad

    Sorry it took me so long!!! But I really loved this poem and just the sadness one can feel from the memories that this statue symbolizes. Your words are very powerful and though they are simple, they hold strong meaning and are very powerful how you have worded them. The poem itself had a good flow and I liked how there was some rhyming in the poem but you didn't have it restricted to a single format. Your words speak of great sadness and despair. One can glen the past sorrows of this person just from a stanza or two and you have the reader so captivated by then that they read more to know what the ending tells.

    I couldn't really find a line that I liked the best but I have to say that the entire poem was really powerful and speaks of actual truths. I like how you give a good solid image and now we can see this statue in our head the entire time as we read. Some of the other imagery was impressive too just like the last line about the tears. I liked that.

    All in all, I really liked this poem and I even got a little history lesson, which is always nice. It's wonderful when you can be touched by someones poetry and also learn from it at the same time. I believe you have a wonderful talent and i can see you have honed it over the years. I hope to read more. Great job and keep writing!!

  • 5 years ago

    by Lioness

    Oh the last line in this just broke my heart.

    What a beautiful but sad poem. An enjoyable read. Makes me want to brush up on my history and learn more about this lady.

    x

  • 5 years ago

    by Lioness

    Congratulations!!! A well deserved win!!!

    x

  • 5 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    Im soooooooo happy for u:)
    Congrats:)

  • 5 years ago

    by Karla

    Sista, well deserved win.

  • 5 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Congrats on the win :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This was beautifully written, and well deserving of the win! I loved the flow of this piece and that despair that runs right from the first description to the continued imagery of Cleopatra as a woman and ruler. I love how you took the subject, took her emotions and weaved them into something truly delved in sadness, the memory of her fading and she can't get a form of true power, everything is disguised.

    Your descriptions pulled me in, a well-done masterpiece, congrats :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Edit

  • 5 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    I read this a few times, each time wondering why the Poetess is using Cleopatra statue, to capture her legendary story. I finally arrived to the conclusion that it is the statue itself that evoked the poet's emotions. She is trying to capture Cleopatra's life and times that she senses from her interpretation of the legend, gazing at the statue, perhaps. The mention of the "thick eyeliner, thick as the Nile" was beautiful. Kohl, the eyeliner not only beautified the eyes of the Egyptian woman of those times, but also disguised the "tears" or other emotions in them.
    I have to say that Cleopatra, as seductive, influential, and clever in real life she was, she became even more powerful, beautiful and mystical to us who read history, in her death . The Poetess here is trying to capture a part of Cleopatra not so visible to most of us.... a sense of insecurity that lurked in her perhaps, and to portray her talent to scrutinize people she encountered as friends or enemies with her sharp gaze here:

    "Eyes, sharp as an eagles gaze
    she glances across the palace
    searching for a friendly smile
    detached from a world she once knew."

    Thereafter, the poem takes a twist, perhaps to a time when she spent in exile in Syria, thrown out by her brother Ptolemy XIII, but then eventually she returns with an army of defectors and mercenaries, to regain the thrown back with the help of Julius Cesar. Though unclear here:

    Golden goblets laced with poison
    soothing the lost ones souls
    petitioning her to lead them calmly
    to the promised land of peace.

    And then the conclusion, perhaps imaginary, capture the essence of the loneliness she perceives in her statue. As the sun sets and her courtesans say their goodbyes,

    "She then becomes a sculpted statue
    With tears In her eyes...."

    I think this poem captures the persona what the author sees in Cleopatra's statue very well, from an art gazer's point of view. A symbol of beauty, sadness, power and fear and perhaps ? loneliness, which I am unclear, as history does not depict this well. (though the Hollywood version may have.) Nevertheless, the Poetess's vivid imagination using the statue to build a powerful story here certainly captured the reader's hearts. Beautifully penned Poetess.

  • 5 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, this is very different. I have never read anything about Cleopatra before, it is very unique.

    She lurked behind corridors
    disguised as a queen
    eyeliner, thick as the River Nile
    feeling alone within her kingdom

    - What i got from this was the lonileness, since you have used the words queen and kingdom - you create the idea of "having everything" therefor being truly happy and wanting nothing else. Yet, your last line really stands out because despite all of this, she feels so alone.

    Eyes, sharp as an eagles gaze
    she glances across the palace
    searching for a friendly smile
    detached from a world she once knew.

    - again you can pick up her loneliness from your last line, the desperation she is feeling to seek human companionship and perhaps the feeling of love. I liked your opening line, clearly describing the look in her eyes.

    Golden goblets laced with poison
    soothing the lost ones souls
    petitioning her to lead them calmly
    to the promised land of peace.

    - I loved this stanza, and your first line here is my favourite line I think. I think the flow to it is amazing but yet still holding so much power. I also like how it feels more like a narrated story here than a poem, you can feel yourself being drawn in to listen to more.

    As the dark skies kiss the sunlight
    Her followers leave her side
    Whispering their endless goodbyes
    She then becomes a sculpted statue

    With tears In her eyes....

    - a really good ending, one of sadness because she did not find her companionship or acceptance. I also liked the very last line, " with tears in her eyes" - for me, it gave me the impression of how we say R.I.P to the dead, but in some cases, like this, you wonder if their pain and loneliness will ever truly end.

    I loved the way you used so much powerful words in this poem but yet still managed to make such an easy flow.

    I really enjoyed this and think it shows off your creativity. Thank you for sharing such a powerful work of words.

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    Wow! This is emotive of sadness. A lovely description of the idolized Queen of all times. A beauty reckoned and a reign full of power infused with passions empathy. You within few lines described her persona, feelings, people and the timing of this epoch beauty's royalty. So beautiful is she the sky turns crimson in her presence whilst the moon glorifies her. Sadness is her company as she's feared the most cunning and charming Queen.

    A ruler whose wrath can only be seen as an infusion of deeply rooted distraught accumulated overtime with embers of passions for affection. I loved how you added detailing, describing the timing of this event in history. A very different theme, gets one thinking and pondering about once upon a time an exotic beauty's love and insistent power that never was cleansed.

    A very interesting read. *Claps* :) ..

  • 4 years ago

    by nameless

    Wonderful poem with some nice details and imagery ie. "eyeliner thick as the river nile" and "dark skies kiss the sunlight."

    I like your sense of rhythm as well. I can't think of any criticism for this poem other than it was so good I wish it were longer.

    Good work!

  • 3 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    This sad but it is great written emotional piece you have here

  • 7 months ago

    by Pagan Paul

    This is just ... beautiful, worthy of the Lady who inspired it.
    PPx