Ravenousness

by Jenni   Jul 30, 2012


Whenever you nestle up against
your coffee cup and undress me
with your gaze, I melt at the notion
of you mending my far-too-often-
bitten lips.

Sometimes you compare me
to a snowflake, delicate and
unlike any other, yet you do not
keep me in the cold.

For your thoughts nuzzle my skin
as though you take my purity
and smirk, just like peeling
a strawberry to hide, that it did not
ripen yet.

I whisk the embarrassment off
my cheeks and sway your way
because I'd rather get burnt
by the sun than freeze in the shadow.

4


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    This metaphoric poem was a pure delight!

    It reminds me of a woman blushing, I could actually see the sweet innocence within her as she is expressing how this person makes her feel.

    "Whenever you nestle up against
    your coffee cup and undress me
    with your gaze, I melt at the notion
    of you mending my far too often
    bitten lips."

    I adored the word usage and the use of biting her lips, gives me the feeling of her nervousness. Really adore this piece, and felt it deserved to be highlighted. Well Done Jenni

  • 6 years ago

    by Purple Rose

    I'm sorry, Jenni. I have failed to comment on this since until now...very rude of me.

    After I read this, I wondered if it was a love poem. It seems like it is to me, but I may be wrong. You have written certain parts here that made me think that you were addressing a lover because of the way you wrote it...

    I love this whole poem, actually.

    'Whenever you nestle up against
    your coffee cup and undress me
    with your gaze, I melt at the notion
    of you mending my far-too-often-
    bitten lips.'

    ^ This is a beautiful beginning...I melted right along with you ^.^
    Not only is this beautiful, but it also tells the reader about you...when you get nervous, you bite your lip? I would assume that this was about you, but I may be wrong...anyway biting the lip is a well known nervous habit, just like biting your nails, but I like that you used this one instead of the latter :) makes it more appealing.

    'Sometimes you compare me
    to a snowflake, delicate and
    unlike any other, yet you do not
    keep me in the cold.'

    ^ Beautiful. Extremely beautiful...
    I have to say that this is my favorite stanza right here :) I know that the topic was snowflakes, so I love it anyway because of that, but I mostly love it because of the way you compared yourself to a snowflake. Usually, people use the cold aspect of it when talking about it in poems, but you used the warmth side, if that makes sense.

    'For your thoughts nuzzle my skin
    as though you take my purity
    and smirk, just like peeling
    a strawberry to hide, that it did not
    ripen yet.'

    ^ I never knew a strawberry could be peeled...we always buy them at a grocery store, so all you have to do is just cut off the green stem part, and then it is ready to eat...maybe things are different there?
    I am just picking stuff that I like out of your poem, so there is no real critique here :) sorry you have read this whole thing for nothing...but I like the word 'nuzzle' in this stanza...it is such a warm word.

    'I whisk the embarrassment off
    my cheeks and sway your way
    because I'd rather get burnt
    by the sun than freeze in the shadow.'

    ^ Beautiful! Especially the last line :)

    Like I said, I think this is more of a love poem, than a miscellaneous one, but that is just by reading it. I don't know if it was exactly about a lover, but it seemed like it was pretty close to one. I have nothing to tell you except that, and the only thing I could do was praise it :)

    Excellent - I am glad that this won...here, and in the challenge.
    5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Marcus blake

    "Sometimes you compare me to a snowflake, delicate and unlike any other, yet you do not keep me in the cold." my favorite part ^__^

  • 6 years ago

    by Terry Hume

    This poem has all the elements a good poem should have. The imagery is clear and lovely. I'm very impressed and moved by it. Well done. I can't wait to read what's next!

  • 6 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I'm sorry it takes so long for me to comment on your poems.

    the second stanza is my favorite; I feel like I should have written that lol. It shows how this said person loves the persona in this piece, yet it is so subtle and very unique.
    Lovely ending too, Jenni. I'm glad this won. Congrats! Keep it up. :)