I don`t know if I got your meaning but to me it seems like a self evaluation and though you are not always satisfied with what you find it forces you to grow up and blanking it all out is your rest from the harsh critique of your own mind.I have no idea if I was accurate but it was fun trying to grasp your thoughts.
The two last lines were the ones that got me. Then again, they would have lost their value without the previous lines. So it was an overall good poem and its strong and eye-catching part is the ending(to me of course. Iâ€™m not others)
Actually I read it three times before I could say anything about it.
One of the good things about it that I noticed is that it explains all the necessary things that it should contain to make the readers understand the mind of the writer better â€“neither more, nor less--, take the second stanza for example. Like most people, you could have only said:
Truth of the matter
Nothing pleases except escaping
But the added â€œlike it used toâ€ makes us know even how the things used to be in the past. Just adding 4 more words and that much change in a poemâ€¦well, I call that â€œsomething rareâ€.
There were some parts I didnâ€™t get at first but the two last lines helped me understand them better when reading it for the second time.